I am Algerian, born in the western side of the country. I always been more attracted to boys than I was to girls, and I didn't find it odd or alarming until middle school were boys started to openly talk about sex and obscenities, I didn't really understand any of their phantasms and in all honesty, I didn't really mind. Later, my parents introduced Internet to my tiny child's world and eventually I started searching.
My family is of course, Muslims and they were strict concerning the beliefs I later relinquished, but they didn't really censure my access to Internet. And so I started chatting with people on Internet and discovered my homosexuality, as the good obedient son I was I started questioning myself about homosexuality in Islam.
Why would god create me if he'd condemn me later for what I am?
I researched about it on Internet, started reading people's stories on the subject and eventually my parents discovered my chatting. I was heartbroken to hear their opinion on homosexuality, to see them violently wrecking the love and compassion. They cut my access to Internet later. I ended up having a big depression, and I started to do more or less "unethical" actions. I started using drugs, smoking, self harming and a few tentatives to end my life that, luckily my body survived.
A Saturday morning, I decided I would not live like that, I gathered all the meds I could find and after a little hesitation swallowed them all. It didn't took more than five minutes for me to realize I didn't wanted to die, I tried to vomit but nothing would do. I was taken to the hospital after bitterly admitting to my parents what I did.
Once I got home, I was confronted by indifference. My parents didn't care the slightest, my mother later pointed indirectly that if I wanted to do that, I could go far away and do it. She didn't wanted to care about the funerals and the shame of bearing a suicidal son. (Cause suicide is considered a heavy sin, in Islam.) I got 18 and I continued living a lie, although my depression got slightly better, I decided I didn't want of a God that would punish me for what he gave me and I slowly relinquished my religion. I then started secretly dating and swore to try and make things better for me.
And that's officially my story. I am glad that I could have shared it and that one day it could help somebody that is maybe feeling the same way I felt years ago. To that somebody I'd say: You don't deserve to jump off a building, you're a normal human being no mater what they say or do.