I am Algerian, born in the western side of the country. I always been more attracted to boys than I was to girls, and I didn't find it odd or alarming until middle school were boys started to openly talk about sex and obscenities, I didn't really understand any of their phantasms and in all honesty, I didn't really mind. Later, my parents introduced Internet to my tiny child's world and eventually I started searching.

My family is of course, Muslims and they were strict concerning the beliefs I later relinquished, but they didn't really censure my access to Internet. And so I started chatting with people on Internet and discovered my homosexuality, as the good obedient son I was I started questioning myself about homosexuality in Islam.

Why would god create me if he'd condemn me later for what I am?

I researched about it on Internet, started reading people's stories on the subject and eventually my parents discovered my chatting. I was heartbroken to hear their opinion on homosexuality, to see them violently wrecking the love and compassion. They cut my access to Internet later. I ended up having a big depression, and I started to do more or less "unethical" actions. I started using drugs, smoking, self harming and a few tentatives to end my life that, luckily my body survived.

A Saturday morning, I decided I would not live like that, I gathered all the meds I could find and after a little hesitation swallowed them all. It didn't took more than five minutes for me to realize I didn't wanted to die, I tried to vomit but nothing would do. I was taken to the hospital after bitterly admitting to my parents what I did.

Once I got home, I was confronted by indifference. My parents didn't care the slightest, my mother later pointed indirectly that if I wanted to do that, I could go far away and do it. She didn't wanted to care about the funerals and the shame of bearing a suicidal son. (Cause suicide is considered a heavy sin, in Islam.) I got 18 and I continued living a lie, although my depression got slightly better, I decided I didn't want of a God that would punish me for what he gave me and I slowly relinquished my religion. I then started secretly dating and swore to try and make things better for me.

And that's officially my story. I am glad that I could have shared it and that one day it could help somebody that is maybe feeling the same way I felt years ago. To that somebody I'd say: You don't deserve to jump off a building, you're a normal human being no mater what they say or do.

Regardless of how much the north of Africa is influenced by the European world, it's also influenced by the Arabian world which creates a non friendly but rather ignorant environment for LGBT community. I tried to make sensibilisation mouvements, using anonymous letters and illegal wall paintings (that got erased as soon as noticed) it didn't work at all.